CouPLES

 

Testimonials

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We first went to counselling with Kim when we were in a really bad place as a couple. We were emotionally drained and had just separated and were living apart. We felt immediately that we were in safe hands with Kim. She is warm and we both felt safe. She is kind but also challenged us when we needed it. Kim showed skill and expertise in working with couples – she seemed to be able to key into our difficulties well and recognise important things about us as people, even when we didn’t at first see it ourselves! Through going to sessions with Kim for about 6 months, we have found a way to understand each other, connect and build trust in each other again. We have tools now to nourish our relationship and are living together again. Kim also provided individual sessions at times that helped us with our own difficulties, which in turn helped us to show up for each other. It has been a really positive journey, and we are still on it. Starting this journey with Kim has given us hope and even excitement about our future together. We feel lucky to have found someone as skilled as Kim to support us.Show More

R&J

dreamstime_m_14 We needed Kim’s help with problems we were having in our relationship, as we were just going round in circles arguing about the same points over and over. I went in to the session with Kim openly, as it was me who pressed for the help, but I wasn’t sure my husband would, but he opened up more than I thought he would. I thought we would just be discussing the problems we were having at the time. However, the exercises Kim gave us took us both on a more personal journey back to our own childhoods. At first I didn’t / couldn’t understand why / how this would help us, but as we went though the exercises I realised just how much of an effect my childhood experience had impaired on my adult behaviour. Reaching into the things we felt uncomfortable with actually helped us to come to terms with what we both went through as kids and how to deal with these feelings, so as not to bring them into our relationship. Also listening to each other before answering using the “What I hear you say” technique helped us to understand each other more deeply. I learned that my husband and I both love each other as much now as we did when we first met. Doing this counselling with Kim helped us both to realise that. – CM I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to get involved in couple counselling at first, but I knew that we had to do something to solve our relationship problems. Like most guys I don’t like to talk about my feelings, but Kim’s patience and the techniques used helped me to do so and to become more comfortable with it. We met with Kim regularly and also did some exercises between meetings. It wasn’t always easy, some sessions were more difficult than others and there were definite highs and lows as we went along. However, this was exactly what we needed. We talked more openly than we had in years and we learned so much about each other and got so many reminders of why we are so good together and ultimately why we love each other. Our relationship is stronger than it has been in years. We know there will be bumps in the road, but we also have techniques we can use to deal with them. Thanks for everything Kim. – MM You saved our marriage and for that we can’t thank you enough. Show More

MM / CM

Firstly, I think like most people we were both really nervous, Kim really put us at ease. Week by week, by getting us to communicate and focus on what really matters in our relationship, she was able to help us see that some of our disagreements/problems, were really about our fears and insecurities – we are more aware and accepting of each other’s quirks now. We are a work in progress, but have the tools in place to move forward stronger! I can’t say enough good things about Kim, she genuinely cares!Show More

SEPB

dreamstime_m_14 I just wanted to say thank you. If it had not been for your help and support, there is no doubt in my mind that my husband and I would not have survived COVID-19. Another bonus for us is that old wounds in family relationships are healing, and this through a trying time personally, and with COVID-19. We are both working from home (harmoniously) and life for us is good. We are much more open, honest and mindful of each other now – and we would definitely not have been “enjoying” lockdown if it wasn’t for your guidance. Many thanks once again! Show More

TDW

Kim is immediately warm, welcoming and very professional. She put us at ease from the start. Kim is very knowledgeable, patient and skilful and really helped my husband and I to understand how we were communicating. We looked at how our childhood experiences and relationships were influencing how we function both as individuals and as a couple which was incredibly enlightening for both us. We both felt very safe with Kim who has a gifted ability to support each person and also challenge you. My husband and I had been to a couple’s counsellor in the past, and individual counsellors, to gain help to cope with the aftermath of my husband’s affair. We were really struggling with how to make the right decision about our future together and balance this with the needs of our young children. We were exhausted and felt Kim was our last hope. She didn’t disappoint. While other counsellors were helpful, Kim really helped to dig deeper and we gained far more understanding of ourselves and our relationship. A big part of the journey is learning to connect and stay connected to each other. Kim provides you with the language and encourages you to really feel things from your partner’s perspective. It takes practice and it’s really important to keep pushing through the tough times. You can talk it all over with Kim on the next session. I would urge any couple who are unhappy, for whatever reason, to contact Kim and trust that it won’t be as daunting as you might be imagining! Good luck! Show More

Mr & Mrs A

dreamstime_m_14 Where do we start with thanking you? We came to you at a time when our relationship was as in turmoil, each of us suffering in our own way with no way to reach each other. Coming to you has not only saved our marriage but helped us to reach a place of understanding and connection that we may never have found. From a place of despair, you gave us a safe space to share our most sensitive thoughts, feelings and experiences without judgement. You gave us the tools to find a place of love, appreciation, understanding and connection. We each learned what makes us who we are. You have helped us find the essence of our relationship as well as tools moving forward to know how to keep that connection and navigate back towards on another. The most heartfelt thank you.Show More

Mr & Mrs C

We first contacted Kim after going round in circles in our relationship for a very long time not knowing why we could never make it work consistently. We soon figured we were bringing different issues from our childhood into the present relationship. We went back with Kim’s help and made peace, which in turn helped massively for us to get over these hurdles. It wasn’t easy, it was a hard and emotional journey but with the guidance and the tools given to us from Kim we are closer than ever. My partner had also been really struggling with anxiety and depression which has dramatically improved with the counselling sessions. Kim is so welcoming and a really lovely lady. Highly recommend to anyone struggling to get in touch. Thanks for everything Kim!Show More

S & W

dreamstime_m_14 We were losing connection for a long time hoping we can fix it ourselves. The truth is that without Kim’s help we wouldn’t be able to get to the bottom of the problem and discover how our past/childhood shaped and defined us and our actions. Kim created a safe space were we have opened ourselves up to each other allowing us to learn who we are and understand our feelings. She also equipped us with brilliant tools and showed us how to communicate with each other in a more positive and effective manner. We have benefited immensely from the process. Now we both are on the same team, more self-aware and emotionally vulnerable to each other, with a very clear understanding of what we want from our relationship and what’s our true goal. Thanks to this our marriage was able to reach a new level – this was a truly eye-opening experience. Now we see changes in everyday life and we have become closer and more connected than ever before. Counselling with Kim was the best decision we ever made and we would highly recommend her help to all couples to improve the quality of their marriage. Thank you!Show More

T&P

My husband and I were at a real crossroads and decided it was make or break as to whether we were going to stay together after more than 30 years. I googled local Counsellors and Paisley Counselling came up and that was how we found Kim. My husband was sceptical to say the least and so I wasn’t sure how it was all going to go. I got a really good vibe from Kim straight away, her approach was warm and welcoming as well as professional right from the outset. Not only have my husband and I got to a place we never thought we would, as individuals we have learned so much about ourselves. Kim was unbelievably perceptive throughout and just seemed to be on our wavelength. I decided to do some individual sessions in between the couple sessions and found them invaluable. So often her words of wisdom come into my mind when I needed them, tools that you can use on and on. My husband now has a completely different outlook on counselling thanks to Kim. She has been a tremendous support to us both and we absolutely recommend her without question. Thanks again Kim!Show More

MM

dreamstime_m_14 Kim is friendly, puts you at ease, very wise and works to a structure with successful results. She asks the hard questions and hears what you’re saying, she conveys yours or your partner’s points if she feels one of you aren’t listening or indeed hearing. She builds bridges to allow dialogue and equips you with new tools that allow you both to know how to navigate stumbling blocks in your relationship. These tools can be referred to at home in times of strain. She gives you exercises that allow you both to understand each other better and yourself too. For a bit of context, we came to Kim with a sofa bed on order, we arrived in her counselling room for our 1st appointment with two possibilities in our minds 1. We “find” each other again and feel re-connected and share a love that would allow us to provide our child a happy home environment or 2. We separate in the least destructive manner for our child and how was the best way to go about that for everyone involved, sort of like a mediation. We came to Kim having endured much trauma over the past 5 years. We had become very disconnected and we knew the way we were was a result of circumstances. We were just completely lost and exasperated and miserable. For the first few sessions, we both cried and it was hard, but even after the very first session, we both felt hopeful. Each session we felt more connected and we were confident in the relationship tools Kim had taught us to see us through rough patches. We worked with Kim on a weekly basis for roughly 3 months, our relationship is much stronger and we feel we share a lot of love for one another. Needless to say, we cancelled the sofa bed order! We would highly recommend Kim for marriage counselling and we would not hesitate to book an appointment in future should we ever feel the need.Show More

Mr & Mrs C

 Kim has worked wonders for me and my partners relationship. We didn’t think we could salvage our relationship but after a lot of hard work and a couple months of sessions we are now the happiest we have ever been. Kim taught us different ways in how to express our feelings to one another without it ending in arguments. I would like to thank Kim for all the help she has given us and would highly recommend her services to anyone.Show More

C-A

My work with couples

There are many reasons why you as a couple may wish to go for counselling; you feel you have nothing in common anymore, there has been unfaithfulness in your relationship, you are arch enemies, good friends, or somewhere in between. You might find it extremely difficult to be in the same room together, or to look at each other, far less talk with each other. What most couples have in common, is that they have had enough of how things are, and they want to find a new way forward. My job is one of a coach and a referee helping you navigate this new direction in a respectful and honouring manner.

The Goal is Connection

My hope when working with couples who wish to work through their issues and stay together, is that you go on a journey where you learn to listen to each other and speak to each other without fear and where ‘your goal becomes connection to each other’. If the goal is connection, then neither partner is trying to ‘win’; both partners are concerned with the other’s needs which creates a safe place for you both to bring your disagreements without being on the defensive or in attacking mode. When your goal is a connection, I believe that you can work through the most painful issues. That said, counselling is a safe space for couples to decide together if you wish to continue in the relationship. If you chose to part then this can be navigated in a safe, respectful manner adhering to each other’s feelings and needs.

Counselling model for couples

I use an Integrative approach to couple counselling, drawing on several different models and influences; from the work of Harville and Hendrix, Dr Sue Johnson, Gottman and the wonderful Esther Perel.